And Now I Have to Move Again
Yes, I am suddenly blogging again after over a year. I'm not even going to TRY to explain it, except that I did survive to beat Jesus, and then promptly seriously injured myself in like ALL THE POSSIBLE WAYS, but I am currently all in one, non-broken piece and I should probably go knock on wood right now because the Joker keeps warning me about statements like that.SO! It has been many months and so much has changed. Mostly, I got a new job, and it is amazing, and I have spent the last 11 months slowly unclenching. For the first several months I physically jumped every time my boss came near me. This was, to say the least, disconcerting for all involved. My co-workers have pretty much all come to the determination that my old job/boss "really fucked [you] up", but things are gloriously better now. My new boss is literally one of my favorite people on the planet and not waking up with a feeling of dread every morning and not having a panic attack every time my blackberry goes off has been glorious.
We also moved into a new house, which I managed to do while ALSO working 18+ hour days AND we threw a huge fourth of July party six days after we moved in. I pretty much took one look at this house on har.com and informed the Joker that the 12 foot fountain and imported palm trees in the backyard were the tackiest things I had ever seen in my life and I had to have it. Which brings me to the purpose of this post:
Scenes From The New Backyard:
Ashley and I chatting. I look up. That is a leaf. That is a leaf. Thatisaleafthatisaleafthat... "Ashley? Is that... a giant fucking spider?!?!"
Ashley: Screaming, running. "That is the biggest fucking spider I have ever seen in my life!!"
Me: "Get. Joker."
Ashley goes inside, Joker comes down.
Joker: "Fuck. I have a plan."
Me: "I'll be inside."
Joker: Gets hose, attacks spider.
Ashley: Also comes inside.
Spider: Not remotely fazed by water.
Joker: Starting to look concerned.
Dogs: also come inside.
Me: Goes and gets a broom. "Here, use this."
Joker: Doubtful. Pokes at spider with broom. "That is the biggest fucking spider I have ever seen."
Spider: Moves.
Ashley and I: Screaming. So much screaming.
Joker: "STOP SCARING ME LIKE THAT. Great. It went higher."
Ashley, dogs and I: Cowering in house."
Joker: "New plan. I think we should all just stay inside."
Thank god we have a pest guy coming Friday. Until then, I'll be on the roof deck.
posted by Citycat @ 12:27 AM
