Friday, December 15, 2006

Tis the Season To... Pass the Xanax.

Hi, it’s December! Pretty late in December, too. And the last time I wrote, was… Oh. Back before Thanksgiving, huh? Sorry about that.

But of course with the finals and the Christmas shopping and the parties at work for various people who left my agency, I pretty much wouldn’t know if it was December or January or 2008.

(It’s not 2008, right? Because I am supposed to graduate from law school then and I think there’s probably a form I need to fill out.) Anyway, here’s a quick nonsensical update because it is Friday and that is just how I roll, people.

Law School:

Paper from Hell for Class from Hell?? Complete. 34 fucking pages long with 84 footnotes. At one point, I tried to footnote a footnote. Microsoft Word? Does not allow this particular function. Do you know why? Because only crazy people try to footnote footnotes, that’s why.

Con Law II: Glad to report to y’all that law school professors? STILL ALL LIE. I don’t care how much I enjoyed your class, if you TELL us we will have a three question, 3 hour exam, and we show up to a four question, three and a half hour exam, that is a lie. If you tell us that the questions will be equally weighted, then weigh them 35, 30, 20, and 15 points, that is a lie. I do not know why you are always with the lying, but I would like very much for you to stop.

Indian Law: Well, kind of good news here. This class had a test/paper option, and since day one I was all, “I am SO taking the test”, and I laughed and snorted in the face of the paper, and I planned on the test, and then… And then one day in class my mind disconnected from my mouth and I just kept talking, on and on about things I was actually kind of making up entirely, and my Professor was deeply intrigued by all of the things that I was saying, despite the fact that I had no actual facts or anything to back them up. So he asked me to write a paper about my utterly unfounded theory, and I really LIKE this professor, so I agreed. Well y’all? Turns out I was right. Everything I made up I found actual research to back up! It was very exciting! And now the professor has a rough draft and almost all is done. Of course, this paper is 19 pages and has 86 footnotes, but…

Human Rights: 60 Day extension, bitches.

(Sorry about the ‘bitches’ thing, I am sure you are all quite lovely and not at all bitchy, unless of course you are certain people, and you know who you are. Everyone else, I’m just punchy.)

Random Stuff

S got a Wii, and after much discussion on the impossibility of actually saying that without snickering like ten year olds, a big group of us got together and played the Wii, and I laughed so hard I fell down. Because besides the fact that it is a lewd joke waiting to happen, there is also a game involving rhythm, and bunnies, and I have none. (Rhythm that is.) (Well, actually, also bunnies.) But when a whole bunch of slap happy tired people get together and try to dance hip hop with a bunch of bunnies, and all of these people are capable professional people and many are also graduate students, and when these people then proceed to completely and utterly fail, all you can do is laugh.

Comment of the Week: (on the characters on the Wii) “Who is that Asian girl?” “Michael Jackson.”

Joker and the Upcoming Holiday Season

The Joker is fabulous, y’all, having put up marvelously with my finals schizophrenia, where I am all, “I want a hug don’t touch me!” and “Go away where are you GOING?!?”. He also put up with me the night before my con law exam when I kept having nightmares in which seminal cases on equal protection became murder scenes and I was chased around by angry footnotes. This is particularly notable because I felt the need to wake him up each time this occurred, and he did not once attempt to smother me with the pillow.

Thanksgiving went very well, by the way, and my parents and the Joker got along well and yay things are just wonderful.

Except. I am not sure if I mentioned it here yet, but I am now going to California for Christmas to meet the Joker’s family. This is bad enough, but allow me to explain the evolution of what is happening when I am there:

Beginning, Many Months Ago, When I Clearly Wasn’t Thinking Straight:
Joker: “Do you want to spend Christmas with my family in CA? I have 2 parents and a brother and a sister and a brother in law.”

Me: “Whoa, I am an only child and that is a lot of people, but yes, I would like to do that.”

About a Month Later:
Joker: “Oh yeah… we are also driving 5 hours on Christmas Eve to my grandparents house, where you will meet many more members of my family but I can’t actually tell you who.”

Me: “Oh, really? This is… this is getting scarier.”

About a Month Ago:
Joker: “Oh, um yeah. Plans totally changed because my parents friends and everyone they’ve ever known want to meet you, so now there is a big party Friday night before we go to grandma’s.”

Me: “Your best friend has Xanax, right?”

Last Week:
Joker: “I don’t know if I should tell you this. But turns out… All my sister’s friends want to meet you, so they will also be there.”

Me: “There really is a fine line between love and hate, isn’t there?”

Joker: “Did I mention that all my brother’s friends will be there too?”

Me: “Of COURSE they will! The whole WEST GODDAMN COAST is going to be there, and I am meeting ELEVENTY BILLION PEOPLE, and one of them is a Judge, and that is already enough to give me anxiety attacks, and maybe you should KILL ME NOW.

Now really, to be fair, I am excited about meeting the Joker’s family, but when did my life become a Ben Stiller movie? And I am of course a little worried, especially because 6 days is a long time to be with a strange family, and I am afraid they are eventually going to come to the realization that I am not “quirky and charming” so much as “batshit crazy”. (See above re: mouth disconnecting from brain.)

So I have less than a week until CA, and a week until this party, and tonight I am SO going shoe shopping.

Happy Holidays!