Wednesday, August 13, 2008

That's Why It Is Spelled With All The "Y"s

Hello! Welcome to the Post-Bar life. The Post-Bar life is wonderful and snuggly and drinky, especially when compared to the Pre-Bar life, which was studyful and whimpery and Y'ALL IT REALLY, REALLY SUCKED, AND I COMPLAIN IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM CLEARLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER HAD TO TAKE IT, EVER.

But anyway, it is over, and my little Bar Clan all seems to feel relatively positive about the whole thing, mostly positive that it is over and we can drink again. And since the bar I have done awesome things, including:

1. Going to a beach house in California with the Joker's family. (Who are technically also my family, with the whole marriage thing, which is neat, because they are generally awesome people who do things like vacation in beach houses in California and invite the Joker and self to come vacation with them, for free. Yay for family!)

2. Going kayaking near Monteray with otters, seals, and seal lions. (Also a state judge, but he was in a kayak, not the water.)

3. Fail to convince the Joker that because we have a giant, separate bathtub, I should be able to take an otter home to live in said bathtub.

4. Joker is MEAN.

5. Went to Carmel and found the Coach outlet. 'Nuff said.

6. Also did a bit of shopping in the mall, because after the bar exam and the 36 hours of drinking that followed, I forgot to pack any pants. And I could not live for a full week with one pair of jeans worn on plane and one skirt.

7. Went wine tasting, joined a wine club, and have several metric tons of wine being delivered.

But the last thing that I did that was cool (and that does not involve the thing that is happening today, which is the exciting thing, which is why I have to type this now, so I can type later about today's super exciting thing) also involves Me Being a Moron.

Oh y'all. I am not a stupid girl, overall. (See above, re: Bar, taking of). But there are things I simply do not know. And I do not like to not know things. Have you ever seen that trick of the eye thing where there is the paragraph written with no vowels or whatever and they say that most people can read it because their brain just fills in the missing information? Well see, sometimes my brain does this and fills in information and I feel much better about life. Unfortunately, the blanks that my mind "fills in"? Not always with even remotely correct information. And this can be... problematic.

Another perk of this new family thing happened last Saturday, when the Joker was all, "My Uncle drives for Lynyrd Skynyrd, and they are playing a concert in Houston by where your parents live, and we all have free tickets and maybe you can meet the band." And I am like, Whoo! Because, that is AWESOME. Except, when we get to the concert, I am also all, "Um, what does Lynyrd Skynyrd sing again?"

Because I do not know who sings songs. Ever. I will know all of the words and if you steal a riff from one song I will be able to tell you it is stolen. But I will not know who sang it. Ever.

So Joker is all, "Sweet Home Alabama? Freebird??"

And I am all, "OH! I KNOW THOSE SONGS!" (Note: I know Freebird because when I was in school and my friend the Musician would play and sing, everyone would yell "Freebird!" ironically. So I determined that that was 1. A song, and 2. downloaded it, and therefore knew what the hell people were talking about.)

Self: "Wait! So people will be yelling Freebird here, unironically!"

Parents and Joker: "..."

So I was excited, but also confused, because Joker kept saying things like, "Johnny", and I was trying to figure out who "Lynyrd" was.

No, really.


I have honestly thought my whole life that Lynyrd Skynyrd? Was a man named Leonard.

So later on, the screen behind the band began to show all these names, who turned out to be members of the band, because the band has been around for eleventy million years and it is a BAND, and not a PERSON. So I am watching the screen, and I am waiting, because I am pretty sure that after all these names, the name LEONARD will go up in lights, and everyone will scream, and I want to be on top of this, because I am good at screaming. But... No Leonard.

This is where I begin to think I have misunderstood things, and I realize this is a particularly bad misunderstanding, because when the concert is over I may be MEETING these people, and I should probably figure out who Leonard is BEFORE THAT.

Self: "Um, who is that lead singer?"

Joker: "That's Johnny."

Self: "Johnny?"

Joker: "Yes."

Self: "But.. ok, who is Leonard?"

Joker: "Wait. Seriously? WE JUST WENT OVER THIS. No one on that stage is named Leonard."

Self: "But.... I don't... Huh?" (I was flummoxed. This was honestly a giant revelation for me).

Self: (to mother) "Did you know no one on that stage is named Leonard??"

Mother: "Yes, because the band has been around for eleventy billion years and I did not, as you apparently did, spend the majority of them UNDER A ROCK."

Joker: (sighs. A lot.) "Don't you see how it is spelled? It is Lynyrd, not Leonard."

Self: (Just thought that was a stage spelling? Of "Leonard"? Sigh.)

So anyway, the concert blew me away both because of its general awesomeness and also because of my entirely stupid misconceptions. Then Kid Rock came on, and even though HIS name is actually "Bob" (the HELL??) he also did a whole thing where he's all, "What's my name?" and the whole audience says, "Kid Rock Rock", and I felt very confident announcing to my poor suffering mother, who clearly wished she were sitting on the other side of my father,

"That guy? Is ACTUALLY called Kid Rock. It's not like where there is no Leonard."

Anyway, we DID meet Johnny Van Zant, and he is totally nice and awesome and I did not call him Leonard, much to the relief of the Joker.

And that is the Post-Bar life so far, except for the major thing about today, which I will talk about later.

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