Thursday, March 29, 2007

In Which A Simple Question Gets Entirely Out of Hand

Me: (to S) “Are pistachios like mussels, in that you should only eat the open ones?”

S: “I have one sitting on my desk at this moment that has been here for a week as I contemplate that very question.”

Me: “Seems like a lot of effort for one pistachio. I have a giant bag of them, I’ve just been throwing the closed ones away.”

S: “Hmm.. Well, says here that they split because they are ripe. And… huh. And also… “"Large quantities of pistachio nuts are self-heating, and prone to spontaneous combustion."

Me: “….”

S: “Which, to be honest, seems really weird.”

Me: “Seems really weird?? My snack food is going to EXPLODE and you think it SEEMS WEIRD??”

S: “Combust, Citycat, not explode. A subtle difference.”

Peanut: (another gchat window.) “I am going to type you because I have no idea you have already quite lost your mind.”

Me: (to Peanut): “Did you know "Large quantities of pistachio nuts are self-heating, and prone to spontaneous combustion."”???

Peanut: “I… no. No, I did not know that? What?? What is a ‘large quantity’”??


S: “Apparently, walnuts do this too. Do you think people in Alaska can use large quantities of nuts to heat their homes?”

Me: (to Peanut): “Walnuts do it too.”

Peanut: “Great. JUST GREAT. I am afraid of nuts now. HAPPY?”

Me: “Um.”

Peanut: “I don’t want to go into the city for this meeting. Can I tell my boss I’m sick?”

Me: “Tell him your nuts exploded.”

Yeah, that’s how things have been going, the above conversation also occurred on a day when I had a conversation about Jesus bread and the proper pairing of alcohol with illegal narcotics. (Heroin and red wine, cocaine with a nice white wine spritzer…)

Work has lost its mind, yet again, but this time in even more creative ways. Classes are going pretty well, except earlier this week we were discussing a negligent homicide case where a small child died, and my professor stated the following: “Babies are scary. I almost lost one once. Just luck that it lived.” Really?? My professor almost KILLED his CHILD? Good to know, Dr. Creepy.

Provided everything continue to stay on course, the Joker and I embark on a cross country drive tomorrow to transport my car down to Texas. Stories to come! Happy weekend!

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