Screw the Sex and Videotapes, ALL WE HAVE ARE THE LIES.
I'm not even going to apologize for not writing. Because it's finals. And, due to an extraordinarily ill timed and evil e-mail this afternoon, I am a bloody wreck.Things That Are Just True:
1. You know how on the show House, his theme is that everybody lies? All the patients? Could be cured in like 10 minutes but they all lie? Well.
Law school professors lie.
They ALL LIE.
And they don't lie about irrelevant things, like whether or not they agree with Scalia. They don't even lie about relevant but not panic-attack inducing things, like length of reading assignments or classes that will run late. Oh no.
THEY LIE ABOUT THE FUCKING FORMAT OF THE FINAL EXAM UNTIL IT IS ACTUALLY FINALS PERIOD.
Then they sneakily lie about what a certain class will cover, and just happen to mention that, Oh, everything I said about the exam? That has dictated the way you read and took notes and prepared all semester? HAHAHA. Just kidding. Y'all? I am so fucked.
2. The amount you have to do at work is directly proportional to the amount of studying you have to do for exams, and is statistically related to the extent that Professors LIE about said exams, causing panic.
3. The day you miss class, because it was SUPPOSED to be a movie which you rented and watched on your own time, will be the day the Professor's GIANT LIES are revealed, and you will only find out about them at work the next day by e-mail, sparking a full blown panic attack and a complete inability to focus on the budget spreadsheets.
4. Shrieking, then walking into your bosses office and announcing, "I will be back. I need to be smoking right now" will freak your boss right the hell out.
5. Someone needs to inform the Bush administration that the Doctrine of Constitutional Avoidance does not mean, "Whenever possible, avoid the Constitution."
Gah.
posted by Citycat @ 4:49 PM
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