Monday, April 03, 2006

Do NOT Anger Crazy Waitress

Ok, so maybe there was a reason that I don’t go out much anymore. And maybe that reason involves the fact that the Stupid and the Scary and the Criminally Insane seem very, very drawn to me.

Saturday I was supposed to do work, and did… not. Peanut called and wanted to know if I wanted to go out, and my brain short circuited and I decided that yes, going out? Brilliant plan! Fuck International Law, anyway! But I didn’t want to go out as early as they were talking, (8), so I said I would meet them later, giving me ample hours to do work.

Roughly .003 nanoseconds later, I get an IM from SecretAgent. Now, SecretAgent is also in night school to get a graduate degree, and as such is one of the only people around who really, truly connects with what my life is like. Which unfortunately means we never see each other. But he was totally stir crazy, and a new movie was out, so I jumped on the chance to see him and we made plans to meet for dinner and a movie.

Fun Fact #1: Yes. I did arrange with Peanut to go out later, because 8:00 was “too early”, only to make new plans for 6:00 approximately 2 minutes later.

So SecretAgent and I went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. We wanted to go to the bar and grill type place, but there was a 45 minute wait so we decided we’d be faster at the only 10 minute wait place across the street.

Note: we were wrong about that.

Fun Fact #2: Number of chicken quesadillas delivered to our table by deeply confused waitstaff? 2. Number of chicken quesadillas actually ordered by our table? 0.

So this is pretty much my experience with SecretAgent at the restaurant:

Kitchen Person: “You ordered a chicken quesadilla?”

SecretAgent and I: (Look at menus that are still in our hands. Note that we have not even yet spoken to a waitress, let alone ordered any food). “Um, no?”

(Kitchen person leaves, confused, SecretAgent and I are bemused.)

Waitress: (comes over, smiling… kind of a lot… talking… kind of a lot. But not just talking a lot, but talking in that slightly disassociative way? You know?)

SecretAgent: (minute waitress is out of earshot). “Um, is it just me, or is she a little….”

Me: “Insane?”

SecretAgent: “Thank god. I didn’t want to say it out loud. But yeah.”

Me: “And not a little. That is 100% Crazy right there.”

SecretAgent: “And… I think she’s flirting with me. Which is odd, and also somewhat terrifying. Let’s not anger Crazy Waitress.”

Me: “I agree.”

Time passes. Time passes. We eat chips and salsa. Time passes.

Kitchen Person: “You ordered a chicken quesadilla?”

SecretAgent and I: “No. STILL NO.” (At this point we break down hysterically laughing, wondering if somehow Crazy Waitress is behind what is now getting to be an inordinately long wait for our actual food, although again, the kitchen staff seems quite willing to feed us. Just not anything we, you know, ordered.)

Crazy Waitress: (comes over, bringing SecretAgent’s beer). “What’s so funny? Did I miss a joke?”

SecretAgent and I: (kind of terrified). “Um… no?”

Crazy Waitress: (Gazing at SecretAgent. Seriously. Gazing.) “Oh. I thought maybe HE did something funny.”

Me: “Um, nope!”

Crazy Waitress: (Glaring at me). “Oh. Fine then. Your food should be here soon.” (Flounces off).

Me: “’Did I miss a joke?” What ARE you, our friend now??”

SecretAgent: “No joke, just Crazy Waitress.”

Time passes. Time passes. Time passes.

Me: “Ok, this is ridiculous. We should have food. I think we should say something to Crazy Waitress.”

SecretAgent: “Citycat, WHAT did we decide about angering Crazy Waitress???”

Anyway, we did end up getting our food. And I will continue recapping the night in a later entry, because this is long and I have work to do. But I promise it includes:

- The Worst. Movie. Ever.
- With squid references.
- Being invited to tour the city on a short bus.
- Being hugged by random men.
- Ending up actually physically in the middle of a bachelor party.

Till later!