Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Finals: When CityCat and WaveUnfurled Procrastinate Themselves Straight Into Depression

Citycat: Shit.

WaveUnfurled? ?

Citycat: Huge mistake. Was procrastinating studying and googled Him. Got myself all worked up.

WaveUnfurled: Oh, no. No no no. That’s not a good plan at ALL.

: I know. I mean, honestly, it was Many Years Ago. Why is it so damn frustrating still?

WaveUnfurled: Why… Why are you thinking about this now?

Citycat: Finals.

: Ah.

Citycat: You know, it’s both of their faults. Him and the Other One. I never would have gotten involved with Him if it weren’t for the Other One, you know. But… the Other One and I stayed friends, so somehow that’s just easier.

WaveUnfurled: Of course. Plus? The Other One? Is just kind of funny to watch. He is like his very own Reality TV Trainwreck. Each week his own personal Trump just comes out and cobras him.

: True. But Him? Him sucks. He… I mean, the Fuck??? How do people just??? God.

WaveUnfurled: Yes. I know. See? Anger is good. Trust me, I know. I have Mine. And believe me, I guarantee you that if I ever ran into him, only one of us would make it out alive.

: Yeah. And god, the holidays are coming up, increasing the chances of geographical proximity. And you’re visiting. Christ, they should just hang out together. But then, knowing us, we would run into them.

: Can one conversation survive that much pretentiousness?

Citycat: Hee. True. They eventually won’t even be able to speak anymore, they will just be staring at each other trying to be all condescending and evil and one up each other with their eyes.

WaveUnfurled: Causing everyone around them to think that they are completely in love, because that will be one HELL of an intense gaze, there.

Citycat: Yeah, honestly? They probably should just date each other. I mean, obviously, they are the only two perfect people in the world. I mean, you know this right? Because Yours told you so. And so did Mine. And they? They were always right.

WaveUnfurled: Exactly. So, now what am I supposed to do about my latest situation? I feel like the biggest butthead.

Citycat: No, Wave. HE is the biggest butthead. You are not at all a butthead. I mean, seriously. Ok, fine. So maybe our previous choices of pretentious, philosophy reading, self centered, ego driven, women fearing men were not so great. But how can you even tell anymore? Butthead seemed so normal!

WaveUnfurled: I KNOW. It’s just so frustrating.

: I know, I know. In fact, it’s pretty much identical to that other situation I had…

For the LOVE of GOD, could ONE of us PLEASE have a healthy relationship so we could end this cycle?!?

WaveUnfurled: Not only are we in a cycle of bad relationships, we keep having the same one.

Citycat: You are so right. I just want someone to suck in a new way. This mid-twenties to mid-thirties young professional angst just isn’t cutting it. It’s not even any fun anymore.

WaveUnfurled: I know. You start watching movies and TV and thinking, “Hey. Sure he’s a vampire, but God, is he hot. And at least our break up will be based on something I can fully comprehend, not being a Creature of the Night and all.”

CityCat: Right. I mean, last summer I tried for the whole, “I might as well just date the ones I know I don’t like” thing, and I definitely got good stories out of it. Now I am looking for the “people who are so desperately unsuitable that there is no way of falling into the trap of thinking that this one is different, because this one is NOT different, unless you count the fact that the reasons for the break up have never been quite so blatantly obvious before”.

WaveUnfurled: You mean, like, “21 years old, lives all the way across the country with his mother” type blatantly obvious?

Citycat: Shut. Up.

WaveUnfurled: I’m just saying. It seemed to work out well enough for you.

Citycat: Well, better than the guy who thought the mere fact that he owned a guitar made him an actual tortured musician.

WaveUnfurled: I have a pot. I AM A CHEF! Hee, and better than my, “It was bad enough that I flew through the air, off the bed, and into your closet door; but when you whipped out the cowboy hat in the middle THAT WAS JUST TOO DAMN MUCH” incident.

Citycat: And remember MY favorite relationship? He forces me to have the “relationship” talk on the third date, recants it with the “we need to slow things down” talk two days later, then proceeds to cook me dinner and give me a toothbrush, then breaks up with me after I cook him dinner. What relationship was he IN??? Because… I wasn’t really a part of it.

WaveUnfurled: I KNOW. And that cooking dinner thing? It’s the kiss of death! Fastest way to a breakup ever- just make dinner.

Citycat: No kidding, and I refuse to believe that that is mere corollary. That is causation, damn it.

WaveUnfurled: Yeah. Sigh.

Citycat: Sigh. We used to be fun.

WaveUnfurled: Grad school was a bad idea.

Citycat: WHY are we doing this again???

WaveUnfurled: Citycat, can’t you see? There is a trend to this entire conversation: Masochism.

: Ahh, yes. When you come visit for Christmas we HAVE to have fun.

: Definitely.

Citycat: Yay!

WaveUnfurled: Yay!

Citycat: CRAP! Finals. I have to go study.

WaveUnfurled: I have to write papers.

Citycat: We suck.

WaveUnfurled: Yes.