Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Bad Plan Memo

Ok, so I am cheating. Years ago, long before my blog on D-X, back when I first started my job and found myself writing far, FAR too many memos, I sent out a series of "memos" to my best friends regarding various circumstances in our lives. They have just been sitting idle and useless on my computer, and to my surprise (not really) they are still rather pertinent to this day. Thus, I present you with the Bad Plan Memo.


To: The Girls
From: Citycat
Date: October 17, 2002
Re: Re-visitation of “Bad Plan” concept

It has come to general attention that in recent months The Girls have found themselves embroiled more and more frequently in what has been described as “bad plans”. In order to handle this troubling development, a meeting will convene at approximately 6:30 p.m. at the Malt Shop, before the concert of D1, to discuss definitions and procedures regarding these situations. This meeting will be accompanied by plenty of food and beer to facilitate conversation and numb the senses to possible bad plans which may in fact occur later on during the evening in question.


During their undergraduate career the Girls coined the phrase “bad plan” to refer to a situation in which the inevitable outcome was unpleasant, traumatic, stressful, and generally not ok. In the past, the phrase was often used as a reason why something did NOT occur, or as justification for a certain choice, (ie. “I could have done X, but that was a bad plan so I did Y). It was useful in determining the mental state of someone you were talking to. In addition, it was helpful in deciding appropriate action both for those involved in the plan itself and those on the outside who were asked to intervene. *Note: A bad plan is not something necessarily avoidable. Sometimes, due to circumstances, one must purposefully engage in a bad plan. However, other times it is clearly the result of temporary stupidity.


1. Definitions of a “Bad Plan”.
A. Bad plans involving other people:
- Situations involving your own ex’s (non-relationships included).
- Situations involving the ex’s of those you are currently involved with.
- Situations involving people who like you who you don’t like back.
- Situations involving people who strongly dislike you/you strongly dislike.
- Situations involving co-workers in uncomfortable circumstances.
- Any situation where you know before you get there that you don’t want to
be there.

B. Bad Plans Involving Acts of Nature/Inanimate Objects:
- Being hungover at inopportune times.
- Thinking one can function on 3 hours of sleep a night.
- Going out when ones bank account contains less than $20.
- Thinking one can drink more than is physically possible.
- Choosing to go out on the coldest/rainiest day in recent memory
- Choosing to go out when one is in uncomfortable work clothes with Monster
- Any time one ends up away from ones own apartment for more than 24
- Any miscellaneous situations not covered above.

2. How to handle yourself in a “Bad Plan”.

A. Bad Plans when with another one of the Girls.
- The importance of laughter and inside jokes.
- The importance of anyone not involved in plan to focus on aiding one in need.
- Remembering to allow for others to not realize severity to problem right
- Keeping a strong sense of irony.
- Avoiding tears.
- Theory of, “All nights, no matter how bad, must eventually end”.

B. Bad Plans When you are alone (ie. Performing without a net).
- Cell phones: a girl’s best friend.
- Ways to duck out gracefully.
- People who are acceptable to involve v. people who seem like a good idea at
the time.
- Warning others: how to explain bad plans when you know they are coming, so
people can be on red alert.

3. How to aid another Girl during a “bad plan”.

A. When you are with them:
- Implementation of new “Care Bear Stare” action plan.
- Bathroom breaks: why we go in pairs.
- When more alcohol is a good idea v. when alcohol is evil.
- Never refusing to provide a cigarette
- When to stay v. when to bail. Quickly. Before someone gets hurt.

B. When you are not with them:
- Frequent cell phone checks.
- How to exit a loud bar gracefully and have emotional conversation on street.
- What is appropriate to tell people you are with.
- How to keep everyone updated with least amount of nonsense necessary.

Of course, this is only a rough outline, and many more things may be discussed in the course of the meeting. Please add anything you wish to include and think about topics that may need additional coverage. Topics such as terrorism, anthrax, and snipers may be included, but only in the sense that they refer to bad plans- otherwise it will just be too damn depressing.